Three Years in Mexico and No Regrets
At the end of October we celebrate our 3rd anniversary of moving to Puerto Aventuras. So it’s a good time to answer some of the questions we get about living fulltime in Mexico.
For those who don’t know, P.A. is a gated community on the Riviera Maya, between Cancun and Tulum, just south of Playa del Carmen. We have been coming on working vacations to this area since December 1998. Four years ago, when we first were contemplating retiring outside the US, we did a 3-month road trip. This was supposed to be our “goodbye to Mexico” trip, the plan being to enjoy one more trip exploring more of Mexico and while contemplating where to go next. [You can read about that journey in our blogs.] During this driving trip we spent 6 weeks in Puerto Aventuras as our homebase. Even though we had been coming to the Riviera Maya for years, PA had always been just a place we went for lunch or business meetings. At the time, we thought it was too much like an American planned resort community to ever want to settle here. Maybe that’s a reason why, in the end, we chose it as our retirement home? We love the diversity of cultures, convenience of shops and restaurants, the safety of a private community and the beauty of the Caribbean all right here.
All that said, let me answer some of the most common questions we hear.
What do you miss most? That’s an easy one: our family, grandkids growing up and friends. But that is a given, so I don’t think that’s what most people are asking. Most are surprised when we say, “other than that, absolutely nothing.” Of course, when a friend shows up with those rare items we can’t get here, it is always appreciated, but overall, there is nothing we miss about the lifestyle we left behind. A lot of people do have things they miss, and you find them often frustrated living here. So before you sell everything and move here, you need to ask yourself some serious questions about what it is you love about living in the States and can you live without those things.
I will say, over the last 20+ years it is much easier to get just about anything you want. We have many of the same big box stores close-by and Amazon delivers to our door.
Can you drink the water? NO. Drinking the water out of the tap, isn’t something you want to do. It isn’t that the water is bad, it is that the karst, limestone terrain means there are a lot of minerals in your tap water. Calcium and other minerals can take a toll on things, including your pots and pans, not to mention your hair, and, if you drink it, don’t be surprised if you eventually end up with kidney stones. We have bottled water delivered to our door, we have a dispenser we use and our fridge and freezer are hooked up to a garafon (large container of water) so we have ice and cold drinking water at our disposal.
In many places you still cannot flush toilet paper because the older pipes in Mexico are 1”, making them smaller and easier to clog. This can be off-putting to some people. That said, where we are, many of the newer homes have worked around that issue. And with garbage pick-up daily it isn’t a deterrent for most.
What did you pack and bring with you? One of the first things people think about when they even consider moving here is “what will I do with all my stuff?” We told family and friends to please take whatever they wanted. We sold as much as we could and we narrowed it down to what could fit in a commercial van, owned by our friend Redbeard. I spent months going through all our stuff. Photos I narrowed down and removed from albums and frames. Clothes I purged. The hardest for me was my kitchen stuff. We took our favorite artwork, gave pieces to friends to remember us by. And we brought my favorite kitchen and cookware items, sold or donated the rest. Our home was full of family heirlooms, and luckily family members took what they wanted. We purged a 3-bedroom, 2.5-bathroom home with a separate one bedroom 1-bath guest house down to a small 2 bedroom condo. 1 piece of furniture came with me – an antique pew that was in my great grandfather’s church and made by his brother.
What are some cultural differences? I think, for me, the culture here is what keeps drawing me back. Everything is so rich and colorful. Mexico has a great diversity of indigenous cultures that have blended with European cultures over the centuries to create an intense visual, emotional and intellectual stew, which tastes a little different from region to region. The US by comparison seems a little blander and less colorful. Last time I visited the States, I found I missed the colors of the Yucatan as much as anything. The colors of the sky, the colors of the jungle, the colors of the water, the colors of the tropical flowers, the colors of the artwork! Everything is bold and beautiful to me. And I love color!
One of the biggest differences, is how Mexicans view aging! In the US, in my opinion, as we age we gradually become invisible. We are only valuable, or even interesting, as our working selves. Think about it, one of the first questions asked of us in the States is “what do you do?” Ageism does exist. If you don’t believe it just hang around and get old. I listen to younger people go on and on about the baby boomers, and what a burden older people are. My favorite age-related criticism is that our generation doesn’t conform to boundaries! I agree. We fought most of our lives against boundaries, to push the envelope, change norms that had existed for many generations by protesting and working hard for Civil Rights and Women’s Rights. To see many of those rights being taken away or even just given up is another reason I wanted to move. Boundaries can easily become a tool for manipulation and control instead of a healthy way to protect oneself.
In Mexican culture, your age doesn’t diminish who you are. All ages are welcome to the table! Instead of being left behind by those who walk faster, someone will slow down, take your arm and walk with you. Your thoughts and opinions still count, not that they will be the final word, but your experience is valued. In the States we put our young people in schools and day care at a very young age and we put our old people in “homes.” Life only seems to be for the working, or productive generations. Here kids are loud and welcome and so are the abuelos! I may still end up back in a “home” one day, but for now I still have an active, productive and vibrant life.
What is a typical day for you like? We are fortunate that where we live there are so many things to do and many within walking distance. Living on the Caribbean coast means the ocean to go boating, kayaking, paddleboarding, snorkeling, swimming, with beaches to walk on. Close by there are fresh water cenotes, which can be so refreshing on an extremely hot day. We have endless places to walk. There is pickleball, tennis, golf, volleyball, basketball, soccer, and a number of other activities and groups to join. Yoga, Pilates, water aerobics, weight training, salsa dancing are all available. Close by there is shopping, art galleries, ruins, and some amazing day trip destinations. In three years, we have not even explored the tip of the iceberg.
How is the food? There are few factory farms or GMO farms so right off the bat, in our opinion, the food is healthier and better. And no, we don’t live on tacos, although there are some really amazing ones! We live in a very diverse community, so we have access to amazing foods from all around the world. However, if you have not traveled through Mexico or really explored Mexican cuisine, you are missing out. I have noticed that Mexican food is starting to get the attention and respect it deserves. Each region has its typical cuisine, and the complexity and flavors are something that have been fine-tuned for thousands of years. Do not dismiss it until you try it. Oaxaca is known for its moles, the Yucatan for its pibils. The cattle ranches produce some of the best beef I have ever tasted. The seafood is fresh.
Is it safe? I could write a book on this topic, but I won’t! One of the top 3 reasons I left the states was gun violence. Are there guns and violence here? Absolutely! There are people and where there are people there will always be danger. But like the average person, who lives their life, takes their kids to school, attends a concert, goes to worship, or any number of other daily activities, we live without fear of random gun violence. We know the cartels exist. When we grew up the mafia was on everyone’s minds, but you avoid that lifestyle and chances are very good you will be safe. Is there petty crime? Of course! Anywhere there is disparity in wealth, poverty and the haves and have nots there will be desperate people trying to take what they can. You may have heard about the mustard scheme – you are in a parking lot, loading up your car and next thing you know, out of nowhere you are covered with this dark substance. Someone appears and acts as though they want to help you, but instead you will find your wallet missing. I had that happen to me. Luckily, I was aware of the scheme and yelled at the two people who attempted to approach me. They got in a running car and took off, I went home, cleaned my car and clothes and am no worse for it. My point is: be aware of your surroundings, be vigilant and chances are very good you will be just fine! I also carry spare change and try to tip or help whenever possible. Even the workers are hard pressed to make ends meet. Also, if you are here visiting or living, don’t flaunt your wealth.
Can Expats Vote in US elections? This question comes up every election cycle and the short answer is yes. If you are registered to vote in the US, you can apply for a ballot for your last or current residence. In our case, we vote in South Carolina, so we simply apply for a ballot online and when the ballot is emailed to us by our county’s voting official we complete it and submit it, all online. It’s easier than voting in person.
All in all, we made the best choice for us. We settled in an area we were familiar with. We had some very good friends we had made over the years, so we weren’t strangers in a strange land. We are slowly trying to learn the language. That is important in my opinion. If you move to a foreign country and only surround yourself with expats who are like you, I’m not sure why you move in the first place?! And if you don’t learn the language, you will be limited as to whom you can converse with. It is not easy as an older person - especially one to whom languages didn’t come easily - and it isn’t that necessary to get by, but I have made it goal to do better, and hopefully, when I write an update in a year from now, I will be more fluent.
I would say, don’t try to make your new life like it was back home! Respect the fact you are a guest and appreciate the differences. Many people move to an area and immediately try to make it like it was where they were from. You even hear that in the States, when someone moves from one region to another. Be open to the differences, take a breath and let things happen at their own pace. Life is slower here and time is a totally different concept! Remember manana doesn’t mean tomorrow – it just means not now.
Feel free to post any questions you might have.